Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Eyes

Little Elvis has his Daddy's dark brown eyes. I spend most of my day gazing into these deep, dark eyes and when I catch a glimpse of my much lighter eyes in the mirror, it makes me stop. Wait, my eyes are different. After seeing such dark eyes all day, my hazel (green and brown) eyes are so different.

I don't know why this throws me off, but it does. The other evening, I just kind of looked at my eyes in the mirror. I don't really, really look at my reflection all that often these days. I had forgotten what my eyes looked like. So, I just stared at them for a while.


Some days I worry that I'm losing myself in being a mommy. Don't get me wrong. Little Elvis and Bob are the best things that have ever happened to me. I was never very happy at any of my real jobs, but now I'm at peace and happy most days. A little lonely, or maybe the better word would be isolated. But still very happy.


My life has changed so much in the past year. I no longer work or bring home a check. I try to stay in touch with my childless friends and we really don't have all that much to talk about anymore. I send them links to videos of Little Elvis, they tell me he's grown so much, they ask how we're doing. I reply about all of his accomplishments and don't have too much to say about myself. My world is wrapped up in him and Bob.


I think this realization has been the cause of my crazy need to re-organize the house. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment with each room that I complete, and I think the house looks much better. Little Elvis adores his new play room and has the best time helping me organize. Not only have I been organizing, I've also been putting up and selling stuff on craigslist.


And I've been posting my clothes that I designed and made on craigslist. We took down my website with my clothes when I became pregnant. All of my pieces were one-of-a-kind, and that's a whole bunch of stuff to write and keep up with. These pieces aren't going for anywhere near what they are worth. The amount of work put in, the vintage fabrics, the creativity. Yeah, those are not considered when these people show up to shop. They think the clothes are cute and want to pay lower than Wal-Mart prices. I've been ok with this, because I'm just so thrilled that people actually like and are buying my stuff. I had a good week last week, and this week I think will also be pretty good for my clothes.


It's great feeling like I'm helping out financially, (I can buy a couple of tanks of gas!) and I've been enjoying my sense of accomplishment with each clean and re-organized room.

Yes, I am a mom and a wife, but I'm also a lot more. I guess I just have to remind myself of that every now and then.

6 Comments:

Blogger Marla said...

Yes, we do have to keep reminding ourselves of that. Being an at home mom can suck the life out of you at times and other times I can't imagine being anywhere else but home with M. It is important to get out with friends and have fun...without little ones. Keeping oyur talents going is good too. If you see that you need to do these things you will and you will be a better mom because of it. It does take reminding though, I get stuck in it a lot and then remember I need to get out and do something different.

10:03 AM  
Blogger The Burp Cloth Babe said...

I have been going through a similar time. It can get lonely at home with a little one. Just keep your head up...I can tell you are a wonderful mom. You can see it in Little Elvis's smile!

Oh, and even if I can't afford them, I would love to see your clothes! You have me very curious! You should post some pics for us to see!

11:41 AM  
Blogger lisa said...

I feel the same way too somethimes. Why don't you open a shop of Etsy? I have been working on it myself (read procrastinating about it.) It looks really easy. I would love to look at your stuff too. I really liked the baby nursing cover!

12:03 PM  
Blogger MIP said...

I have those moments too. Even though I still work, it's at home. So my coworker is the mister. Parenthood in general is pretty isolating at times, fortunately it's worth it:)

1:08 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

I think it's so important for moms to have an identity and a life outside of the "mother" role. Good for you for realizing this. Have you ever considered an etsy shop for your clothes?

PS: I work from home too as a freelance writer, so I can definitely sympathize with how isolating it is.

7:05 AM  
Blogger Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

Good for you for taking the time to realize that. We really do need to keep doing stuff for us and working at it so we don't lose ourselves.

3:40 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home