Switch to Plan B

If you recall a couple of posts ago, I mentioned that I was going to approach my boss about work scheduling once the baby arrives. I was hoping to be able to arrange my work schedule so that I could stay home for most of the day to take care of the baby, heading in to the office for just a couple of hours each day. Well, that went over like a lead balloon, dismissed by his supervisor for fear of setting a "dangerous precedent."

You don't ask, you don't get is how I looked at it.

Was I mad? You bet! I even had another job offer in my back pocket and was determined to take the offer if my proposal was not given the green light. However, I was unable to pull the trigger -- just accepted the rejection.

So now what? We're back to square one and need to make some decisions regarding day care. I spoke with a coworker and started to price day care in our area. First place I checked was over $700 bi-monthly (nearly $17,000 for a year). Perhaps I underestimate the care required for an infant, but this seems outrageous to me.

So we're switching to Plan B, we just haven't drawn that plan up just yet. Any suggestions?

Uphill both ways

I just posted about my inability to sleep due to my day care dilemma. To be honest, this is not my first run in with insomnia.

I'm an amateur singer/songwriter, with most of my material tending toward children's songs and novelty material--my debut CD contained weather-themed originals for children. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I start to write songs in my head. Usually this is an anti-cure for insomnia. I'll get enough of a nugget of a lyric idea going that I have to get up and write it down.

I've been experiencing a bit of songwriter's block of late, but with Little Elvis on the way, some ideas are starting to come together. I'm thinking of a title for the collection along the lines Uphill Both Ways--Stories and Songs for my Son. Some fond memories from my own childhood include the stories that my father used to tell me. Not complete stories, mind you--not like we'd crowd around his feet and he'd rattle off a prepared tale. More like white lies that he'd make up in the midst of conversation. He'd tell me about some fictional family ancestor from Sweden who was something of a Paul Bunyan character -- using pine trees for ski poles and the like.

My dad also did some strange things, the spontaneity of which I found endlessly entertaining. In walking through a store parking lot after a rainstorm, he'd walk straight through a puddle while admonishing my brother and I "not to splash in the puddles." When driving (usually when my mother wasn't in the car -- she was never nearly as amused by these antics) my dad would sometimes stop in the middle of the road, open his door, and allow his "imaginary friends" to get out while conversing with them. If there was a pasture nearby, he might also take a moment to "moo" at the cows.

My dad is not now, nor was he, "nuts." These are just the things that have stuck with me all these years later and still make me smile. That's what I'm hoping to accomplish if Uphill Both Ways ever gets off the ground.

A case of the "cantsleeps"

For whatever reason, I've had trouble sleeping the past two nights. I've fallen asleep just fine, then woken up at 3 or 4 a.m. and been unable to get myself back into R.E.M. Part of the problem is that I'm worried about day care.

Trying to think ahead, I've proposed to my boss a work arrangement that would allow me to do the majority of my work remotely, limiting my in-office time each day to a couple of hours (our house is only 2.75 miles from my workplace). He seems receptive to the idea, but needs to run it by his supervisor so who knows what may happen as the idea climbs the corporate ladder. We'll see what happens and I'll post an update when the word comes down from on high.

Of course, when Little Elvis arrives, I'm anticipating many a night of interrupted sleep, so maybe my body is just trying to get into the habit.

Should I be worried about this spate of insomnia or is it something I shouldn't lose any sleep over? Thoughts?

Little Elvis, your public awaits

Today Meredith IM'd me at work to let me know the latest from Little Elvis' ticker. Not his heart, but a web site that has been tracking his growth and giving us weekly updates.

Little Elvis is 23 weeks and 2 days old, with this week's update being, "I'm viable outside the womb." Meredith complained that this was not as exciting as some of the previous updates, such as "I'm growing hair and fingernails" or "My bones continue to harden." I agree, while it's cool, Little Elvis, that you could possibly move out of your current digs, I think it better that you keep your audience waiting a little longer.

Personally, the fingernails update was pretty exciting in my opinion. As a guitar player and plucker of several other stringed instruments (mandolin, banjo, fiddle), I'm looking forward to playing songs for Little Elvis. I'm even more excited about the prospect of getting a guitar in Little Elvis' hot little hands -- with callouses growing on his fretting hand and strong fingernails on his picking hand.

Any other musician parents out there? Is three months too soon to start shopping for a ukelele?

Day care dilemma

I know the topic of day care is ground well-trodden for experienced parents, but it can be very daunting for expectant parents. And yes, I feel daunted. What are we going to do when the baby arrives? That is a question that my wife and I yet to have a complete answer for. Of course, she’ll be home with the baby for the first 6 weeks or so, but then what? We don’t live close to family, so getting help from grandparents is not an option. We live in an area that, even with both our incomes, we can only afford to rent housing, so giving up one of our incomes to stay home with the baby is also off the table. It could be financially feasible with some belt-tightening, but would put home ownership in future out of our grasp (much less, the thought of starting a college fund, etc.).

Both of us work in internet-related fields, so there is some hope for one or both of us to be able to tailor our work schedules and responsibilities to work from home more. This is more than just an economic consideration – we both genuinely want to be part of our child’s upbringing and will make personal and professional sacrifices so that our child’s care is not left entirely in the hands of strangers. But what if supervisors are unwilling to make adjustments or it is impossible to work effectively from home while caring for the baby? What’s the next best option for a financially-strapped young couple? Is it group day care in a preschool setting? Small group day care in a private home? Hire a nanny or split a nanny with another family?

We still have several months before the baby arrives, but feel that we start to need to nail our day care arrangements now. First step is to approach our respective bosses to see how much flexibility we might be afforded so that we can do most of the day care ourselves. After that, what are your suggestions for day care solutions for an infant?

Doctor office dizziness

So there I was in a cold sweat, staring at the floor while another man felt my wife's breasts . . .

No, this isn't some kinky swingers post -- maybe you should check out my wife's blog about our long, frustrating day being shuffled between doctors. The long and the short on the medical end is that my wife has been having some bloody discharge from her breasts which we both rightfully find alarming. She called her OB-GYN over the weekend and was told to show up first thing Monday morning.

Well, after spending the better part of two hours in the waiting room at the OB-GYN practice, we finally got squeezed in to see the doctor. That was where things started to go downhill for me. I have a long history of doctorofficeophobia. Rarely can I go through a doctor or dentist appointment without breaking into a cold sweat, losing circulation to my hands, seeing blotches or having a ringing in my ears. Sure enough, as my wife was being examined by the doctor, all of the above symptoms came crashing down on me. Of course, not only did I not want to distract the doctor, I didn't want to worry my wife, who has enough worries of her own.

Fortunately, by surreptitiously lowering my head between my knees, I managed to catch myself before passing out, and I don't think the doctor even noticed. Of course my wife noticed -- she's been through this before (I nearly passed out when she had her Lasik eye surgery done as well). By the time we got out of the OB-GYN and got to the specialist's office, the decision was made that it would behoove both of us if I stayed in the waiting room while my wife headed into the examination room.

If I can't get past my doctorofficeophobia, how can I ever expect to make it to the big stage -- the delivery room? Any suggestions or any other stories about squeamish husbands?

Grandmother-in-law

My mother-in-law was in town for a visit this weekend and, wow, is she excited about the baby! She likes to shop to begin with and now, with Little Elvis on the way, she has renewed purpose. So most of the weekend was spent shopping--Friday it was at the mall and Saturday was at a Catholic Consignments sale at a local elementary school.

Needless to say, we cleaned up at the consignment sale. We arrived around 11 a.m. and spent 40 minutes casing the place, deciding what items we would scramble for when everything was marked down to 1/2 price starting at noon. We were able to divide and conquer at 12:00 sharp--I raced off and grabbed a cool Kolcraft playpen/portable bassinette for the cool price of $12.50. An hour later, when the dust had cleared, my wife and mother-in-law had filled three large trash bags with clothes, toys and accessories. Grand total--$65.

Little Elvis gets his kicks near Route 66

The headline is a bit of a stretch, I suppose, but we do live just a stone's throw from Route 66 that runs through Falls Church, Va. I couldn't write that Little Elvis gets his kicks "on" Route 66, because we try to spend as little time as possible on that crowded roadway.

In any case, Little Elvis, true to the word of our sonogram technician, has been springing into action. During the sonogram, my wife expressed her concern that she hadn't felt the baby move (at 20 weeks). The technician reassured her by saying that she hadn't felt her own baby until week 22. Sure enough, yesterday, at the start of my wife's 22nd week, she felt the baby move. Little Elvis was kicking or turning last night while we watched a movie (that ballroom dancing movie, Take the Lead, with Antonio Banderas) so perhaps he will be a born dancer.

We're even closer to having the nursery outfitted, purchasing a Simplicity crib/dresser/changing table combo. We don't have a very large nursery so decided to go with the one-piece unit that will also work as a transitional bed and full bed when the baby gets older. Who knows where we'll be when we need to convert the crib to a bed, but for the moment, the smaller the better.

In addition to the crib, now that we know that the baby will be a boy, we started shopping for baby clothes. My mother-in-law is in town and suggested that we wash the baby clothes in Dreft, a baby-friendly laundry detergent. Checking the price at the grocery store, we noticed that Dreft is a premium product, about twice the price of the other detergents on the market. We opted to go for one of the cheaper versions, but went with one without dyes and perfumes. Anyone know if this is a suitable substitute for the more expensive Dreft?

You'll make a great father

When people discover that my wife is pregnant, there is typically a flurry of excited comments and questions -- "You look so good!" and "How are you feeling?" and "Have you been sick?" and "Are you craving pickles and ice cream?" are fired at her with barely an opportunity to respond.

With me, it's different. Typically when I tell somebody that my wife is having our first baby, there is a smile and then, either they ask me the questions above or they say, "Well, you'll make a great father!" How do they know? Granted, I don't have a string of felonies in my past or a series of shallow graves under the house, but other than that, there's not much of a track record to indicate what kind of a parent I'll turn out to be.

I realize it's a matter of being polite, but it's a matter of concern for all first-time parents. There's no right answer and no manual to follow and most of us will inevitably draw upon our own childhood experiences as guidance for our own childrearing. While my childhood was very happy, it was fatherless for the most part, with my father leaving the family when I was 8 years old. Likewise, his father (my grandfather) left when he was about 8 years old.

That said, I appreciate those optimistic voices, polite or not, who are telling me that I'll make a good father. Perhaps my friends, family and co-workers know something of my character. Perhaps they sense my own excitement about having a baby. But I guess our baby boy will have the final word years down the road and hopefully he'll say, "You were a great dad."

Saving some green (beating the baby-buying blues)

As I've detailed in a previous post, my wife and I are pretty careful with our finances. We realize that babies are expensive, so we're always on the lookout for ways to save money in preparing for Little Elvis' arrival. Early on in the pregancy, we had some success in getting some items from Craigslist. If I remember correctly we got a high-chair for $18, a bassinette for $30, baby swing and mini-stroller for $15, a Snugli (baby carrier) for $10. All these items were only lightly used and looked practically new.

In addition to Craigslist, we found a new resource for finding baby bargains--consignment sales and baby-specific flea markets. There was a fund-raiser sale at a local high school last weekend where we got a baby play mat for $10, a backpack baby carrier for $8.50, crib bedding set for $12, and a vibrating, musical bouncing chair for $6. One mother tipped us off to a web site called www.our-kids.com . A little digging on the web site will allow you to find consignment sales of baby items in the DC area (there are also Our-Kids web sites for the Chesapeake and Richmond areas). This weekend we headed for a baby-item yard sale held at a local fairgrounds where we got a baby bathtub for $7, a DiaperGenie for $15 (with plenty of extra bags), and other miscellaneous items.

Another priceless thing you get at these sales is free advice from experienced mothers about which items are useful and how long certain items will be useful. I'm sure there are on-line resources in other markets -- feel free to comment with links for your area to share with other readers.

Our "son"-ogram

Little Elvis told us a secret today -- we went to have a sonogram and the verdict is in. We'll be having a baby boy and the due date has been moved up a bit (now February 17).



I mentioned in my last post that we didn't have the sonogram at the OB-GYN office, but had to go to a different medical complex, and it turned out to be our best pre-natal medical experience to date. We never saw a doctor, but the technician, Jean, was both pleasant and professional and happy to field all of our questions.



So what is involved in a sonogram? First a lubricating jelly is spread all over the lower abdomen and then the technician runs the sensor all over the lower stomach. She was surprisingly thorough--looking at the baby from every angle, having my wife roll to different positions, freezing and zooming in on images of the baby's mouth, nose, legs, hands and, in this case, penis and scrotum. In fact, she measured the size of the head, abdomen, and tibia of the baby to determine how far along the pregnancy has progressed. Turns out that, whereas my wife thought we were in our 20th week, we are actually in the 21st week, with the due date moving up from February 23 to February 17.



After we got out of the office and hopped into the car, we immediately called my wife's parents as well as my father. I captured some of Meredith's conversation with her father with our digital camera and I'll try to figure out how to post that video in the near future. Needless to say, all the grandparents-to-be are wonderfully excited.

Sequined jumpsuits -- Pink or Blue?

Fast-forwarding to the present, tomorrow is our moment of truth -- we head out early in the morning for a sonogram (not at our OB-GYN office, mind you, plenty more about our pre-natal care in a future post) to determine the sex of "Little Elvis." We've been calling the baby this because my wife is from Tupelo, Miss., the birthplace of "The King," Elvis Presley.

So will it be pink or blue jumpsuits for Little Elvis? I can honestly say that it doesn't matter one bit to me. If you're into superstitions or dream interpretations, I can tell you that I've had one dream in which we had a baby boy and another in which we had a baby girl, so I'm playing it straight down the middle. I'm just so excited about having a baby!

As for the family, I think my in-laws have preferences. My mother-in-law would love to have another baby girl to dress and pamper (my wife is an only child). My father-in-law is a football coach/soccer coach/athletic director as well as an all-around outdoorsman, so I think he'd love to have a grandson to take hunting and fishing. But just like my wife and I, the health of Little Elvis is paramount for the prospective grandparents.

Passing the first test

Despite the fact that I just turned 36, age wasn't really a consideration in our decision to get pregnant. I guess our clocks are always ticking, but my wife just turned 28, so I didn't think it would be a crisis if we didn't get pregnant right off the bat.

We didn't succeed in our first month of trying, which seemed to disappoint my wife a whole lot more than it disappointed me. I suppose you'll have to check her blog to get her perspective, but for me it simply meant that we had the pleasure of trying over and over again. Then in our second month of trying, we suspected that we were successful. We waited a couple of weeks and tried a home pregnancy test.

My wife called to me from the bathroom, and I went in to see what looked like a positive result (I think it was a blue + sign). While I was thrilled, I actually got a little light-headed when stepping back out into the living room. Certainly not the reaction that my wife was looking for--it wasn't the jumping up and down, sweep-her-off-her-feet-in-a-big-hug sort of reaction that you see in the movies. First of all, I'm not really good with medical situations, but that really wasn't the heart of the matter. The reality of the situation just rushed at me in a hurry. Remember all I said about finances and such in my last blog entry? Well, now we were pregnant and still living in a crappy one-bedroom apartment. But more than that was the reality that the pregnancy was a reality, and that I would now face more responsibility than I had ever shouldered.

Life's big decisions

OK, so here goes. I've had the structure for this blog up for days now, but have yet to post a blog. The decision to post my pregnancy experience, warts and all, is just like any other life decision--getting married, deciding to have a baby in the first place, creamy or chunky--you can only put if off for so long if you're truly serious about it.

So, even though we are now in our 20th week of pregnancy, I'll try to go back to the beginning.

First of all, perhaps you're asking how we decided that it was time to try to have a baby. Good question -- let me set the scene. A year ago, we were living in a crappy one-bedroom apartment, increasingly frustrated by a fruitless search for affordable real estate. I was telling friends and co-workers that any thought of a family would have to wait for several more years. Then, on two separate occasions as I was talking with parents of students that I tutor (my part-time job), they asked those two rapid-fire questions -- how long have you and your wife been married and do you have any children? When I responded "nearly four years" and "no, we really can't afford a baby at this point," the response was the same both times -- if you wait until you can afford a child, you'll never have one. Of course, these are people who are sitting in beautiful homes in one of the most expensive real estate markets in the country who are able to afford a private tutor for their children. But they weren't always in such a great financial position, they started somewhere too. My wife and I earn good salaries, have nothing in terms of debt and are careful spenders. We may not be able or willing to buy into this real estate market, but we can certainly afford a baby. There goes that convenient excuse.

Beyond the financial consideration, I had no other qualms about trying to have a baby. I've always wanted to be a father--in my adult life, I've been a teacher, coach and children's entertainer and have always envisioned having a child of my own. Fortunately, my wife and I are both in good health and this spring, without really having any long dialogue about it, we just decided to try to get pregnant.